On Deadbeat Guys

I am filled with rage this morning.

The situation:

I match with a guy on Tinder. He and I start chatting. We have a nice chat over the course of a few days and decide to meet up. We set a time and place. Since he’s coming from far away, I tell him to text me when he’s 30 minutes away from the meetup location. I never get that text, so I don’t go. I never get any text that day. The next day, I text to ask what happened. He says his brother was in a car accident and he’s with him at the hospital. I say I’m sorry to hear that and that I hope everything will be alright. In the next few days, we start chatting again. We decide on a new date and time to meet up. The morning of the meeting, I don’t hear back from him when I text to confirm the time. Later that morning, I text to say that I assume he’s not coming since I haven’t heard from him. Currently, I’m sitting where we were supposed to meet up (because I like this place anyway), and sure enough, no text from him, no meeting.

I have one question. WHEN IS THIS TYPE OF MAN GOING TO DIE OUT ALREADY?!

I have a second question: HOW DOES THIS TYPE OF BEHAVIOR MAKE ANY SENSE FOR THE MAN?

In case you’re a man (or woman) who engages in this, or any type of deadbeat behavior, and are reading this (which I doubt because people like you don’t read), let me explain something to you: THIS IS WHY YOU ARE NOT GETTING WHAT YOU WANT IN LIFE.

You want a date? Communicate.

You want a job? Communicate.

You want a solution to a problem? Communicate.

You want to be healthy and have fun? Communicate, communicate, communicate.

And when you say something, say what the fuck you mean and commit to your goddamn word.

Your brother was in a car accident? Sorry, you still need to tell the people you had appointments with that you won’t be able to make those appointments. You commit to meet with someone? You better fucking meet with them. You flake out on someone and then expect it to be ok? Don’t expect that.

As a result of this guy’s actions, and his total lack of remorse or taking responsibility for them and rectifying them, he is dead to me. Sound harsh? So is standing someone up TWICE and not giving a fuck.

What I want to know is why this happens. I can think of three potential reasons:

Reason 1: People are fearful. They’re afraid of meeting strangers. They’re afraid of rejection. They’re afraid things might not go well.

Solution: GET THE FUCK OVER IT. It’s ok to meet someone and realize you’re not interested. Have a pleasant conversation for 1-10 minutes, and then, if it’s not already obvious and they ask, you can politely tell them you’re not interested. Saying something like “It was really nice meeting you but I don’t think we have that kind of connection,” is a perfectly acceptable, honest, accurate and considerate thing to do. Anyone who’s not insane will accept it and move on and appreciate your honesty. And for you cowardly assholes out there, the good news is, most of the time, people who aren’t interested in each other just part ways and don’t contact each other at all! So you still get to be a coward AND you don’t have to interact with the person anymore. Win-win!

Reason 2: Some people are only on dating apps to amuse themselves, not to really meet anyone.

Solution: Those people are assholes and need to get the fuck off dating apps. This is why I have repeatedly given up on online dating and why I probably will again very soon. If you want to chat to people but never meet them, there is probably some fetish community for that. Please join it and leave us normals alone.

Reason 3: Deadbeat guys and girls don’t really want to achieve anything in life, otherwise they wouldn’t be deadbeats.

Solution: If this sounds like you, please take a moment to check to verify that you are, in fact, a human being. Do you have human parents? Do you look like a human? Do you live in human society? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, I have some tough news for you: you have to start acting like a human, too. Figure it out because the rest of us are sick of your bullshit.

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1 Comment

  1. Mr. Right will come. I had the same thing happen to me so many times before I met Storm. It was on a web site and so they do work. Love what you wrote. I understand how you feel and please know you are not alone in this kind of shit. Hang in there JC and remember Every old sock meets and old Shoe.

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